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Your Happiness Depends on Your Attitude
We look at the prejudices many singles have about being single. Negative attitudes lead to fears and anxieties about being on your own. This lesson shows you how to turn around these negative attitudes into positive, motivating thinking, and how to use uplifting sentences -- known as affirmations -- to maintain a positive outlook.
Introduction
Hello there, and welcome to the course! This first lesson looks at some of the prejudices that singles hold about being single and how to overcome them. This lesson is aimed at getting you to critically examine what's going on in your own head. If the outside world is prejudiced against singles, that's one thing; but if you're prejudiced against yourself, you're in trouble. So get ready to tidy up the thought processes in your head!
When you think about it, you realize that virtually everything in life has two sides to it, and that also goes for being single. It's only too easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of your situation while totally ignoring that there are also good sides. When someone picks up on this and points out that we are negative, we defend ourselves by saying that we are only being realistic!
But hang on. Is it really realistic to concentrate only on the negative side of a situation? Or is this not just as lopsided as sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is fine even though it isn't?
Being realistic means seeing both sides in a measured way. Being realistic means recognizing and acknowledging the advantages of a situation and enjoying these advantages, while at the same time recognizing the disadvantages and dealing with them in a constructive way.
When I was recently interviewed about singles, a number of listeners called into the interview show. Many of them had very positive things to say about being single. One 65-year-old lady had been happily married for many years but had lost her husband three years ago. She missed her husband, but she nevertheless enjoyed life to the full. A year after her husband's death she had put an advertisement in the paper to find some other ladies with whom she could go out. Within a week she had six replies. The girls met up regularly to go out for a meal or a movie, and they really enjoyed themselves. When I asked the 65-year-old whether she thought she'd be getting married again, she laughed and told me that this was unlikely in the near future because she was having too much fun being single!
TIP
Age doesn't have to be a reason to be unhappy about being single. With a bit of initiative and imagination, you can make a big difference to your single life.
Turn Negative into Positive
Let's have a look to see how you can create a positive attitude out of a negative one:
* Negative thought: That's it! I've had it! I simply don't have enough confidence to go out by myself.
Positive alternative: I still feel a little unsure about going out by myself, but with a bit of practice I can soon become more confident. I'll start with something simple, such as going for a cup of coffee somewhere.
* Negative thought: All my friends are married and I'm the only single person. I don't really want to go out -- I'm only going to be the odd one out. I might as well stay home.
Positive alternative: I love my friends and I enjoy human contact, so I'm going to continue seeing them even though I'm single.
* Negative thought: I couldn't possibly go on vacation by myself. I'd be far too conspicuous on my own, with everyone else being in couples or in a group. I'm sure others would find it weird to see a single person go on vacation alone.
Positive alternative: It's going to be very different to go on vacation all by myself, but I'll try it anyway. I might even meet some nice people and make new friends.
* Negative: This is really the pits. These smaller portions of food in the supermarket are so much more expensive than the larger packets. How annoying.
Positive alternative: This is a good opportunity for me to eat healthier and lose some weight.
* Negative thought: Without a partner, life has lost its meaning. I'm not even interested in my job any more.
Positive alternative: It's now or never. I finally have an opportunity to work on my career. Great.
* Negative thought: I'm so bored on weekends. There's nothing I really want to do on my own.
Positive alternative: This is a good time to try out new things. I'm sure I can find something interesting that could even become a new hobby.
TIP
Take a moment to think about your prejudices towards singles and being single. What are your negative thoughts? Is it any of the point I just mentioned, or is it something else?
Believe You Can Do It!
When you look at the previous examples of negative and positive attitudes, notice that the main difference between them is the degree of confidence. The person in the positive sentence feels in control and can deal with the situation. The person in the negative sentence, however, is passive, pessimistic, and quite frankly, a total wet blanket. If you lack confidence, your standard thought is, "I can't do this." Someone who is more determined and courageous automatically assumes that she can hasn't yet learn what she can't do.
We often think that people who achieve goals in life are particularly talented. For example, you may think that you need a better education to be more successful in life. If this is what you think about yourself, let me assure you that I know just as many unhappy people who have two degrees as I know unhappy people who have only completed elementary school. Intellectual capabilities, a high IQ, lots of money, and being well connected have nothing to do with being happy as a single. The difference between happiness and misery lies in your willingness to try new activities and learn new ways of thinking. Living your life to the fullest and becoming a happy person takes practice, though, so you'll have to invest a bit of work into your everyday life.
Some people can learn to change their attitude from negative to positive quickly; others struggle. Don't worry if it takes you a little while to get the hang of being happy as a single. The time it takes doesn't really matter; the main step is to get started. Kids tend to be much more relaxed about new adventures and grasping new ideas; they spend their early years learning. Look at a baby trying to pull herself into a standing position, hanging onto the table leg, and she can't do it. She tries it 10, 11, 12 times until she succeeds. And all the adults around are pleased to see this baby finally accomplishing her goal. We wouldn't dream of calling the baby a failure ("Good God, that kid is a little loser! She's still not able to stand up by herself!") just because she hasn't yet achieved the goal of standing up. So why do we adults treat ourselves as failures just because we find something hard to do later on in life? Why do we give up so easily when something doesn't work immediately? We think we're much more clever than babies, but in fact they're doing better than we adults in many ways. Just like everything else in life, being happy as a single can be learned, and the learning can be fun -- no matter what age you are -- as long as you look at it as a positive experience.
Are You Prejudiced?
I'm amazed again and again just how prejudiced singles are against singles. Look at the following questionnaire and discover whether you're giving yourself a hard time being single. Give yourself one point for every statement with which you agree:
TIP
You can because you think you can. Your IQ won't make you happy. Only a positive attitude can do that. Be childish. Decide to learn easily and with dedication.
* Humans can only be happy when they're part of a couple.
* Being single means being lonely.
* Single people have it harder in life.
* Singles are unpopular with couples.
* Others look down on a person who is still single at 35.
* It's difficult to go out by yourself.
* If you go to a party on your own, you look ridiculous.
* Singles are boring or difficult people who have not managed to find someone who wants to stay with them.
* Singles are losers.
* The longer someone is on his own, the more embittered he becomes.
How many points did you get? Whether it was one or ten points, you'll need to start working on your attitude. The more points you have, the more urgently you need to work on your thought processes. The reason for this is that all the previous statements are clichés that have no basis in reality. These negative thoughts stop you from becoming happy and having the fun in life to which you're entitled. I'm not trying to say that society doesn't have any prejudice against single people, but that's not a good enough reason for you to support these prejudices with your own thoughts.
So what can you do? The best and quickest way to overcome your own prejudices is to consistently override them when they pop into your head. Use one of the following affirmations to plant a positive message where there used to be a negative prejudice:
* With every day I'm enjoying my single life more and more.
* I'm beginning to appreciate the advantages of singlehood more everyday.
* I'm pleased with the progress I'm making as I'm easing myself into happy singlehood.
* I feel privileged to be able to enjoy the freedom that being single gives me.
* She who dares, wins. Today I'm going to try something new.
* My confidence as a single grows every day.
The best way to use these affirmations is by thinking them with feeling. Pull the corners of your mouth up into a smile while you think them. It doesn't matter whether you initially believe what you're telling yourself. By consistently overriding negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones, you teach your subconscious mind to accept them. After a while, you'll notice positive thoughts popping up instead of the negative ones -- and then the smile becomes real.
Moving On
Now that you've started sorting out what is going on in your head, you can move on to tidying up any debris from the past. If the last relationship is still haunting you, if you still feel you're going to have a heart attack if you bump into your ex, read on. We show you how to come to grips with emotional baggage from the past.
But before you move on, have a go at the assignment and quiz. They're both straightforward, easy to complete, and will help you make sure you've understood the basic principles. And just to show how positive your attitude has become after only one lesson, be sure to visit the Message Board to chat with your instructor and the other students.
We look at the prejudices many singles have about being single. Negative attitudes lead to fears and anxieties about being on your own. This lesson shows you how to turn around these negative attitudes into positive, motivating thinking, and how to use uplifting sentences -- known as affirmations -- to maintain a positive outlook.
Introduction
Hello there, and welcome to the course! This first lesson looks at some of the prejudices that singles hold about being single and how to overcome them. This lesson is aimed at getting you to critically examine what's going on in your own head. If the outside world is prejudiced against singles, that's one thing; but if you're prejudiced against yourself, you're in trouble. So get ready to tidy up the thought processes in your head!
When you think about it, you realize that virtually everything in life has two sides to it, and that also goes for being single. It's only too easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of your situation while totally ignoring that there are also good sides. When someone picks up on this and points out that we are negative, we defend ourselves by saying that we are only being realistic!
But hang on. Is it really realistic to concentrate only on the negative side of a situation? Or is this not just as lopsided as sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is fine even though it isn't?
Being realistic means seeing both sides in a measured way. Being realistic means recognizing and acknowledging the advantages of a situation and enjoying these advantages, while at the same time recognizing the disadvantages and dealing with them in a constructive way.
When I was recently interviewed about singles, a number of listeners called into the interview show. Many of them had very positive things to say about being single. One 65-year-old lady had been happily married for many years but had lost her husband three years ago. She missed her husband, but she nevertheless enjoyed life to the full. A year after her husband's death she had put an advertisement in the paper to find some other ladies with whom she could go out. Within a week she had six replies. The girls met up regularly to go out for a meal or a movie, and they really enjoyed themselves. When I asked the 65-year-old whether she thought she'd be getting married again, she laughed and told me that this was unlikely in the near future because she was having too much fun being single!
TIP
Age doesn't have to be a reason to be unhappy about being single. With a bit of initiative and imagination, you can make a big difference to your single life.
Turn Negative into Positive
Let's have a look to see how you can create a positive attitude out of a negative one:
* Negative thought: That's it! I've had it! I simply don't have enough confidence to go out by myself.
Positive alternative: I still feel a little unsure about going out by myself, but with a bit of practice I can soon become more confident. I'll start with something simple, such as going for a cup of coffee somewhere.
* Negative thought: All my friends are married and I'm the only single person. I don't really want to go out -- I'm only going to be the odd one out. I might as well stay home.
Positive alternative: I love my friends and I enjoy human contact, so I'm going to continue seeing them even though I'm single.
* Negative thought: I couldn't possibly go on vacation by myself. I'd be far too conspicuous on my own, with everyone else being in couples or in a group. I'm sure others would find it weird to see a single person go on vacation alone.
Positive alternative: It's going to be very different to go on vacation all by myself, but I'll try it anyway. I might even meet some nice people and make new friends.
* Negative: This is really the pits. These smaller portions of food in the supermarket are so much more expensive than the larger packets. How annoying.
Positive alternative: This is a good opportunity for me to eat healthier and lose some weight.
* Negative thought: Without a partner, life has lost its meaning. I'm not even interested in my job any more.
Positive alternative: It's now or never. I finally have an opportunity to work on my career. Great.
* Negative thought: I'm so bored on weekends. There's nothing I really want to do on my own.
Positive alternative: This is a good time to try out new things. I'm sure I can find something interesting that could even become a new hobby.
TIP
Take a moment to think about your prejudices towards singles and being single. What are your negative thoughts? Is it any of the point I just mentioned, or is it something else?
Believe You Can Do It!
When you look at the previous examples of negative and positive attitudes, notice that the main difference between them is the degree of confidence. The person in the positive sentence feels in control and can deal with the situation. The person in the negative sentence, however, is passive, pessimistic, and quite frankly, a total wet blanket. If you lack confidence, your standard thought is, "I can't do this." Someone who is more determined and courageous automatically assumes that she can hasn't yet learn what she can't do.
We often think that people who achieve goals in life are particularly talented. For example, you may think that you need a better education to be more successful in life. If this is what you think about yourself, let me assure you that I know just as many unhappy people who have two degrees as I know unhappy people who have only completed elementary school. Intellectual capabilities, a high IQ, lots of money, and being well connected have nothing to do with being happy as a single. The difference between happiness and misery lies in your willingness to try new activities and learn new ways of thinking. Living your life to the fullest and becoming a happy person takes practice, though, so you'll have to invest a bit of work into your everyday life.
Some people can learn to change their attitude from negative to positive quickly; others struggle. Don't worry if it takes you a little while to get the hang of being happy as a single. The time it takes doesn't really matter; the main step is to get started. Kids tend to be much more relaxed about new adventures and grasping new ideas; they spend their early years learning. Look at a baby trying to pull herself into a standing position, hanging onto the table leg, and she can't do it. She tries it 10, 11, 12 times until she succeeds. And all the adults around are pleased to see this baby finally accomplishing her goal. We wouldn't dream of calling the baby a failure ("Good God, that kid is a little loser! She's still not able to stand up by herself!") just because she hasn't yet achieved the goal of standing up. So why do we adults treat ourselves as failures just because we find something hard to do later on in life? Why do we give up so easily when something doesn't work immediately? We think we're much more clever than babies, but in fact they're doing better than we adults in many ways. Just like everything else in life, being happy as a single can be learned, and the learning can be fun -- no matter what age you are -- as long as you look at it as a positive experience.
Are You Prejudiced?
I'm amazed again and again just how prejudiced singles are against singles. Look at the following questionnaire and discover whether you're giving yourself a hard time being single. Give yourself one point for every statement with which you agree:
TIP
You can because you think you can. Your IQ won't make you happy. Only a positive attitude can do that. Be childish. Decide to learn easily and with dedication.
* Humans can only be happy when they're part of a couple.
* Being single means being lonely.
* Single people have it harder in life.
* Singles are unpopular with couples.
* Others look down on a person who is still single at 35.
* It's difficult to go out by yourself.
* If you go to a party on your own, you look ridiculous.
* Singles are boring or difficult people who have not managed to find someone who wants to stay with them.
* Singles are losers.
* The longer someone is on his own, the more embittered he becomes.
How many points did you get? Whether it was one or ten points, you'll need to start working on your attitude. The more points you have, the more urgently you need to work on your thought processes. The reason for this is that all the previous statements are clichés that have no basis in reality. These negative thoughts stop you from becoming happy and having the fun in life to which you're entitled. I'm not trying to say that society doesn't have any prejudice against single people, but that's not a good enough reason for you to support these prejudices with your own thoughts.
So what can you do? The best and quickest way to overcome your own prejudices is to consistently override them when they pop into your head. Use one of the following affirmations to plant a positive message where there used to be a negative prejudice:
* With every day I'm enjoying my single life more and more.
* I'm beginning to appreciate the advantages of singlehood more everyday.
* I'm pleased with the progress I'm making as I'm easing myself into happy singlehood.
* I feel privileged to be able to enjoy the freedom that being single gives me.
* She who dares, wins. Today I'm going to try something new.
* My confidence as a single grows every day.
The best way to use these affirmations is by thinking them with feeling. Pull the corners of your mouth up into a smile while you think them. It doesn't matter whether you initially believe what you're telling yourself. By consistently overriding negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones, you teach your subconscious mind to accept them. After a while, you'll notice positive thoughts popping up instead of the negative ones -- and then the smile becomes real.
Moving On
Now that you've started sorting out what is going on in your head, you can move on to tidying up any debris from the past. If the last relationship is still haunting you, if you still feel you're going to have a heart attack if you bump into your ex, read on. We show you how to come to grips with emotional baggage from the past.
But before you move on, have a go at the assignment and quiz. They're both straightforward, easy to complete, and will help you make sure you've understood the basic principles. And just to show how positive your attitude has become after only one lesson, be sure to visit the Message Board to chat with your instructor and the other students.
©Toys of Lovers 2004