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5 Steps To Better Sex, A Better Bod!
I have written about the relationship between sex and weight loss before. This time I think I will go a little deeper. The surface connection is that sex burns calories -- so, the more you have it, the more weight you lose! The fact is, however, that sex and fat do not go together. The fatter we get, the less we are interested. I want to talk about why this is and what you can do about it: Have more and better sex and lose weight in the process.
Let me start with a couple of gross generalizations (GG). They, by definition, apply to almost everyone. If you think you are a special exception, please forgive me for offending you.
GG #1: Sex and life energy are connected. People who have little fear of and great enthusiasm for life have more and better sex than the rest of us.
GG #2: People who are significantly overweight usually have a rather developed fear of life and of themselves. As a result, most of them have less frequent and satisfying sex.
Conclusion: If you want to have super sex and lose pounds, then you would do well to work through your fear of yourself and life.
Note: Most people are not aware that they fear who they are. But they/you do. It usually manifests as fear of their/your anger, sexuality, power, desires, needs and inner truth. My experience with clients (hundreds over the last 30 odd years) supports this assertion. This fear of self often translates into a more generalized fear of life and contributes to a compulsive drive for comfort foods. Simply said: If both life and the person you are underneath the surface frighten you, then comfort food is the best drug of denial going.
Question: If my assumptions are true, then why don’t diet “experts” tell you about it? Excellent question, I was hoping you would ask it.
Answer: Most diet “experts,” in my humble opinion, are stuck in the last century (see my recent article about Diet Dinosaurs) and have no idea about what really drives you to overeat. But back to you, sex and fear.
A refresher question: Would you like to have great sex and get thinner at the same time?
Good. I thought your answer would be yes! (If it is no, then turn off your computer right now and go get a life.) Here are some suggestions for the yes-people. They actually produce results if you are willing to do some serious work with them.
First, sit down with a pad and pen and tell yourself the no-holds-barred truth in response to the following question. Name ten (10) things about yourself that scare you. If you can’t find 10, then go for at least 5. (If you can’t find 5, then you may be stuck in a quagmire of denial. A therapist can help get you out.) For quick insight, list characteristics in other people that scare you, and then imagine that you are projecting. Yes, that means you have these same characteristics, but they scare you so much that you can only see them in others.
Second step. Look at those (your) scary characteristics and think deeply about why you fear them. This could be an amazing eye opener.
Third step. Think about sex and how it fits into the things you fear. I bet it is related in many ways.
Fourth step. Imagine how your life would change if you began to include some or all of these characteristics in your personal repertoire.
Fifth step. Pick one characteristic and “invite” it into your life. See how you can integrate it in a healthy and productive way into your daily way of being you. If you don’t get really terrified by this practice, then slowly include the others in the same way.
If you get all the way to the fifth step, you will begin to see significantly positive life changes including better sex and loss of weight. I can almost guarantee it. I say almost, because I don’t want to make yet another gross generalization. It is a 99 percent guarantee. I have rarely seen this process fail.
Now, I know I have been a bit provocative here, but that is my job -- provoking you to think and grow. So, get on with it and let me know how this all turns out. And, have some fun along the way… please.
by Dr. Matthew Anderson
I have written about the relationship between sex and weight loss before. This time I think I will go a little deeper. The surface connection is that sex burns calories -- so, the more you have it, the more weight you lose! The fact is, however, that sex and fat do not go together. The fatter we get, the less we are interested. I want to talk about why this is and what you can do about it: Have more and better sex and lose weight in the process.
Let me start with a couple of gross generalizations (GG). They, by definition, apply to almost everyone. If you think you are a special exception, please forgive me for offending you.
GG #1: Sex and life energy are connected. People who have little fear of and great enthusiasm for life have more and better sex than the rest of us.
GG #2: People who are significantly overweight usually have a rather developed fear of life and of themselves. As a result, most of them have less frequent and satisfying sex.
Conclusion: If you want to have super sex and lose pounds, then you would do well to work through your fear of yourself and life.
Note: Most people are not aware that they fear who they are. But they/you do. It usually manifests as fear of their/your anger, sexuality, power, desires, needs and inner truth. My experience with clients (hundreds over the last 30 odd years) supports this assertion. This fear of self often translates into a more generalized fear of life and contributes to a compulsive drive for comfort foods. Simply said: If both life and the person you are underneath the surface frighten you, then comfort food is the best drug of denial going.
Question: If my assumptions are true, then why don’t diet “experts” tell you about it? Excellent question, I was hoping you would ask it.
Answer: Most diet “experts,” in my humble opinion, are stuck in the last century (see my recent article about Diet Dinosaurs) and have no idea about what really drives you to overeat. But back to you, sex and fear.
A refresher question: Would you like to have great sex and get thinner at the same time?
Good. I thought your answer would be yes! (If it is no, then turn off your computer right now and go get a life.) Here are some suggestions for the yes-people. They actually produce results if you are willing to do some serious work with them.
First, sit down with a pad and pen and tell yourself the no-holds-barred truth in response to the following question. Name ten (10) things about yourself that scare you. If you can’t find 10, then go for at least 5. (If you can’t find 5, then you may be stuck in a quagmire of denial. A therapist can help get you out.) For quick insight, list characteristics in other people that scare you, and then imagine that you are projecting. Yes, that means you have these same characteristics, but they scare you so much that you can only see them in others.
Second step. Look at those (your) scary characteristics and think deeply about why you fear them. This could be an amazing eye opener.
Third step. Think about sex and how it fits into the things you fear. I bet it is related in many ways.
Fourth step. Imagine how your life would change if you began to include some or all of these characteristics in your personal repertoire.
Fifth step. Pick one characteristic and “invite” it into your life. See how you can integrate it in a healthy and productive way into your daily way of being you. If you don’t get really terrified by this practice, then slowly include the others in the same way.
If you get all the way to the fifth step, you will begin to see significantly positive life changes including better sex and loss of weight. I can almost guarantee it. I say almost, because I don’t want to make yet another gross generalization. It is a 99 percent guarantee. I have rarely seen this process fail.
Now, I know I have been a bit provocative here, but that is my job -- provoking you to think and grow. So, get on with it and let me know how this all turns out. And, have some fun along the way… please.
by Dr. Matthew Anderson
©Toys of Lovers 2004
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